Monday, November 30, 2009
Gracie
So Gracie throws up. Like her own spit 'er something. She gives us fair warning with these deep gastrointestinal hacks that sound like an alien is about to burst out of her stomach. So then my sweet sweet husband walks her outside, or if not enough time at least to the linoleum (yay!). I am listening right now to him standing outside, holding her collar saying "DON'T EAT IT! DON'T EAT IT Gracie!" Then petting her belly says "Sorry your belly hurts Gracie, stop licking everything and this won't happen!" What a great daddy!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Happy Birthday Mamaw!
You're a Stinker!
I love you very very much! Whole wide world and all my heart!
Love,
DeLena
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Joy in Life is NOW!
I wrote this post a few weeks ago and for more reasons than I'd like to admit it, I never published it. However with Thanksgiving tomorrow it feels like an appropriate thing to share about myself. I haven't done a post about my thoughts and struggles in awhile so I guess I'm overdue.
Original Post:
So I've been learning some things recently or been reminded of some things. I feel compelled to share or at least write it down so I will be able to remember and recall. This past Monday I was overwhelmed by the realization that I am postponing joy in "hopes" of something better or something more in my future. This is a common thought for me, sometimes I don't even realize when the thought has entered my mind(its greed!). I'll just be thinking about the future but in doing that I transfer my current contentment and peace and live FOR the future. I'll think
"When I (we)...
-have kids or
-are debt free or
- (I)don't have to work and can be a stay at home mom or
- own our own home
- have a minivan (filled with said kids)
-have the 'weekend vehicle' (like that CJ7 I've been wanting forever...)
- embellish the above, like ooh oooh ooh- a house on lots of LAND, with HORSES! or HOMESCHOOL with same said kids.
- or when I 'have more time' to do more leisure activities, sew more, cook more, BLOG more
- sleep in, have lazy days every day (I fantasize about working part time at a little retail boutique at least twice a month)
-get caught up on my paperwork
-stay caught up on my paperwork
-have clients that are easy and want to be in therapy or maybe
-work in private practice
- have what "they" have (envy, all to present within me)
Or relational things like...
- when we live closer to my family
- when people think like me
- or when I make sense
Sometimes I fear the future the dreaded "What ifs..." that would be to numerous and morose to name here but if I allow it my mind will wander to this worst case scenario that seems impossible to bear. Then I think, well what if that is it...What if that is my future.
Then today our pastor spoke on giving and I was so convicted. I guess it just rang so true with what I had been feeling earlier in the week, I'll try and connect the dots(or spaghetti). Monday I feel like such a greedy bio-tch. WHO AM I to want anything more than what I have right now, at this very moment. I have SO MUCH!!! More than enough. I am so blessed. I could name a million things but what was impressing on my mind was how God had given me Jeremy. I guess I thought about this because this was something in my life that I had wanted for so long. So it was a tangible brain thing, memory I guess (there's a word for that but it escapes me at the moment). I have many memories of life before Jeremy whether I was single or dating thinking "When I get married..." Then I met Jeremy (or then God brought Jeremy to me) and it was this big, awesome slap in the face. This is who God has for me, this is what God wants of me, before him all my relationships were MY efforts to make it work. Then, then God showed me what He had for me and I was beyond embarrassed and ashamed. Because His plans are better than my plans. So so so so so much better. Always better, hands down.
So now with that memory, and experience to reference I think about my life now. How it is exactly what God has for me now, and the future is His and not mine. And it will be great! But not because of things I will have or accomplish in the future. It will be great even if none of those things listed above happen. But my joy is in Him and he offers it to me NOW! I just have to accept it, slow down and see it. No matter where I am and what my circumstance.
These songs have been in my head this week. They both reference "the valley" and I guess that is where I felt I was, maybe it is where I am, but I'm liking it regardless.
Caedmon's Call- Valleys Fill First
This is the valley that I'm walking through
And it feels like forever since
I've been close to you
My friends up above me don't
understand why I struggle like I do
My shadow's my only,only companion
and at night he leaves too
Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first
Down in this wasteland I miss the
mountaintop view
But it's here in this valley that
I'm surrounded by you
Though I'm not here by my will
it's where your view is the most clear
So I'll stay in this valley it takes 40 years.
Ginny Owens- If you want me to
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to
Post Script:
So this Thanksgiving I have so so much to be thankful for but I am just thankful for the renewed awareness of how much God has blessed me with. I am appreciative of the space that I have inside to be happy for others and where God has them and what God has blessed them with instead of being bitter and resentful that its not me or not me yet. I am grateful for exactly where I am right now, in this moment, in this life, valley or not I am blessed. Praise the Lord!
Post Post Script:
I was looking up up the definitions of these words to see which one it was that was applicable only to realize ummm, it was both!
Greed (also called avarice) in psychology is an inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth.
Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it
Original Post:
So I've been learning some things recently or been reminded of some things. I feel compelled to share or at least write it down so I will be able to remember and recall. This past Monday I was overwhelmed by the realization that I am postponing joy in "hopes" of something better or something more in my future. This is a common thought for me, sometimes I don't even realize when the thought has entered my mind(its greed!). I'll just be thinking about the future but in doing that I transfer my current contentment and peace and live FOR the future. I'll think
"When I (we)...
-have kids or
-are debt free or
- (I)don't have to work and can be a stay at home mom or
- own our own home
- have a minivan (filled with said kids)
-have the 'weekend vehicle' (like that CJ7 I've been wanting forever...)
- embellish the above, like ooh oooh ooh- a house on lots of LAND, with HORSES! or HOMESCHOOL with same said kids.
- or when I 'have more time' to do more leisure activities, sew more, cook more, BLOG more
- sleep in, have lazy days every day (I fantasize about working part time at a little retail boutique at least twice a month)
-get caught up on my paperwork
-stay caught up on my paperwork
-have clients that are easy and want to be in therapy or maybe
-work in private practice
- have what "they" have (envy, all to present within me)
Or relational things like...
- when we live closer to my family
- when people think like me
- or when I make sense
Sometimes I fear the future the dreaded "What ifs..." that would be to numerous and morose to name here but if I allow it my mind will wander to this worst case scenario that seems impossible to bear. Then I think, well what if that is it...What if that is my future.
Then today our pastor spoke on giving and I was so convicted. I guess it just rang so true with what I had been feeling earlier in the week, I'll try and connect the dots(or spaghetti). Monday I feel like such a greedy bio-tch. WHO AM I to want anything more than what I have right now, at this very moment. I have SO MUCH!!! More than enough. I am so blessed. I could name a million things but what was impressing on my mind was how God had given me Jeremy. I guess I thought about this because this was something in my life that I had wanted for so long. So it was a tangible brain thing, memory I guess (there's a word for that but it escapes me at the moment). I have many memories of life before Jeremy whether I was single or dating thinking "When I get married..." Then I met Jeremy (or then God brought Jeremy to me) and it was this big, awesome slap in the face. This is who God has for me, this is what God wants of me, before him all my relationships were MY efforts to make it work. Then, then God showed me what He had for me and I was beyond embarrassed and ashamed. Because His plans are better than my plans. So so so so so much better. Always better, hands down.
So now with that memory, and experience to reference I think about my life now. How it is exactly what God has for me now, and the future is His and not mine. And it will be great! But not because of things I will have or accomplish in the future. It will be great even if none of those things listed above happen. But my joy is in Him and he offers it to me NOW! I just have to accept it, slow down and see it. No matter where I am and what my circumstance.
These songs have been in my head this week. They both reference "the valley" and I guess that is where I felt I was, maybe it is where I am, but I'm liking it regardless.
Caedmon's Call- Valleys Fill First
This is the valley that I'm walking through
And it feels like forever since
I've been close to you
My friends up above me don't
understand why I struggle like I do
My shadow's my only,only companion
and at night he leaves too
Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first
Down in this wasteland I miss the
mountaintop view
But it's here in this valley that
I'm surrounded by you
Though I'm not here by my will
it's where your view is the most clear
So I'll stay in this valley it takes 40 years.
Ginny Owens- If you want me to
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to
Post Script:
So this Thanksgiving I have so so much to be thankful for but I am just thankful for the renewed awareness of how much God has blessed me with. I am appreciative of the space that I have inside to be happy for others and where God has them and what God has blessed them with instead of being bitter and resentful that its not me or not me yet. I am grateful for exactly where I am right now, in this moment, in this life, valley or not I am blessed. Praise the Lord!
Post Post Script:
I was looking up up the definitions of these words to see which one it was that was applicable only to realize ummm, it was both!
Greed (also called avarice) in psychology is an inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth.
Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it
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