Things I do that I don't like to admit

Okay so not a personal vulnerable post, I mean like weird things that I would never admit that I am admitting now. Why? I haven't a clue.


I watch Gracie when she poops. Like the poop action, not her face.


After I blow my nose or whatever I do with my nose and a Kleenex I look at it after its done.



I don't flush the toilet if its just urine. I could say I'm "green" ya know like "if its yellow let it mellow if its brown flush it down" but that just ain't the truth.



Sometimes I find sleepy in my eyes after lunch cause that was the first real look in the mirror I gave myself.



If we're "running" to the store and I don't have to get out of the car I can be found exiting my house in embarrassing attire. like pj's or worse...



We have netflix, 2 at a time, but at least 3 times a year go for a month or more without even watching the movies but not mailing them back because "we'll want to watch eventually."



I have a habit that I am trying to break but historically I take approximately 15 mins to get ready in the morning. Just imagine what you can do in 15 mins. and that's about it for me...


There's more but I still want you to be my friend, I'm afraid if I say more you might not be. I'll leave it at this for now:) How you holding up? Feeling nauseous? Well I hope you feel better soon, take some tums, unless your a girl, then you'll only get constipated.

Happy Birthday Macie Baby!

Sorry I was not there for the you real very first birthday but I'll spend the rest of my life spoiling you to make up for it. Promise!

Love,

Aunt D

Excuse me, what was that?

Something I heard someone say recently:





(In an angry tone)





"I'm sorry but that's just how the cat ate the cabbage..."





?????





It was all I could do to not be a smart ass and say to the person to whom that was directed, "Oh, did you know that the cat ate cabbage? I personally had no clue!"





Luckily for all parties involved I kept my trap shut. My dad would be so proud!

Gracie

So Gracie throws up. Like her own spit 'er something. She gives us fair warning with these deep gastrointestinal hacks that sound like an alien is about to burst out of her stomach. So then my sweet sweet husband walks her outside, or if not enough time at least to the linoleum (yay!). I am listening right now to him standing outside, holding her collar saying "DON'T EAT IT! DON'T EAT IT Gracie!" Then petting her belly says "Sorry your belly hurts Gracie, stop licking everything and this won't happen!" What a great daddy!

Happy Birthday Mamaw!

You're a Stinker!

I love you very very much! Whole wide world and all my heart!

Love,

DeLena

Happy Birthday Jennifer!

You're a sweet sis -in-law! Love you!

Joy in Life is NOW!

I wrote this post a few weeks ago and for more reasons than I'd like to admit it, I never published it. However with Thanksgiving tomorrow it feels like an appropriate thing to share about myself. I haven't done a post about my thoughts and struggles in awhile so I guess I'm overdue.


Original Post:
So I've been learning some things recently or been reminded of some things. I feel compelled to share or at least write it down so I will be able to remember and recall. This past Monday I was overwhelmed by the realization that I am postponing joy in "hopes" of something better or something more in my future. This is a common thought for me, sometimes I don't even realize when the thought has entered my mind(its greed!). I'll just be thinking about the future but in doing that I transfer my current contentment and peace and live FOR the future. I'll think
"When I (we)...
-have kids or
-are debt free or
- (I)don't have to work and can be a stay at home mom or
- own our own home
- have a minivan (filled with said kids)
-have the 'weekend vehicle' (like that CJ7 I've been wanting forever...)
- embellish the above, like ooh oooh ooh- a house on lots of LAND, with HORSES! or HOMESCHOOL with same said kids.
- or when I 'have more time' to do more leisure activities, sew more, cook more, BLOG more
- sleep in, have lazy days every day (I fantasize about working part time at a little retail boutique at least twice a month)
-get caught up on my paperwork
-stay caught up on my paperwork
-have clients that are easy and want to be in therapy or maybe
-work in private practice
- have what "they" have (envy, all to present within me)
Or relational things like...
- when we live closer to my family
- when people think like me
- or when I make sense
Sometimes I fear the future the dreaded "What ifs..." that would be to numerous and morose to name here but if I allow it my mind will wander to this worst case scenario that seems impossible to bear. Then I think, well what if that is it...What if that is my future.

Then today our pastor spoke on giving and I was so convicted. I guess it just rang so true with what I had been feeling earlier in the week, I'll try and connect the dots(or spaghetti). Monday I feel like such a greedy bio-tch. WHO AM I to want anything more than what I have right now, at this very moment. I have SO MUCH!!! More than enough. I am so blessed. I could name a million things but what was impressing on my mind was how God had given me Jeremy. I guess I thought about this because this was something in my life that I had wanted for so long. So it was a tangible brain thing, memory I guess (there's a word for that but it escapes me at the moment). I have many memories of life before Jeremy whether I was single or dating thinking "When I get married..." Then I met Jeremy (or then God brought Jeremy to me) and it was this big, awesome slap in the face. This is who God has for me, this is what God wants of me, before him all my relationships were MY efforts to make it work. Then, then God showed me what He had for me and I was beyond embarrassed and ashamed. Because His plans are better than my plans. So so so so so much better. Always better, hands down.
So now with that memory, and experience to reference I think about my life now. How it is exactly what God has for me now, and the future is His and not mine. And it will be great! But not because of things I will have or accomplish in the future. It will be great even if none of those things listed above happen. But my joy is in Him and he offers it to me NOW! I just have to accept it, slow down and see it. No matter where I am and what my circumstance.
These songs have been in my head this week. They both reference "the valley" and I guess that is where I felt I was, maybe it is where I am, but I'm liking it regardless.

Caedmon's Call- Valleys Fill First

This is the valley that I'm walking through
And it feels like forever since
I've been close to you
My friends up above me don't
understand why I struggle like I do
My shadow's my only,only companion
and at night he leaves too

Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first

Down in this wasteland I miss the
mountaintop view
But it's here in this valley that
I'm surrounded by you
Though I'm not here by my will
it's where your view is the most clear
So I'll stay in this valley it takes 40 years.

Ginny Owens- If you want me to

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to



Post Script:
So this Thanksgiving I have so so much to be thankful for but I am just thankful for the renewed awareness of how much God has blessed me with. I am appreciative of the space that I have inside to be happy for others and where God has them and what God has blessed them with instead of being bitter and resentful that its not me or not me yet. I am grateful for exactly where I am right now, in this moment, in this life, valley or not I am blessed. Praise the Lord!

Post Post Script:
I was looking up up the definitions of these words to see which one it was that was applicable only to realize ummm, it was both!

Greed (also called avarice) in psychology is an inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth.

Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it

Do yourself a favor

and make these immediately!

I've made them twice now and have plans to make them again soon. The recipe might appear intimidating but please believe me when I say "You can do it." You can, you can, you CAN! And they are so delicious that after you try them you will gobble them up and be forced to make some more. Trust me on this.
The recipe does make 7,you heard that right, SEVEN cake tins worth. Here's the good news in 2 parts
I- They freeze well. Just don't bake all the way till the perfect golden and don't make/apply the icing until ready to serve.
II- You know folk. And if you make them these they will absolutely love you forever. More than they already do. Promise. This is the idea that hooked me on the recipe. The recipe creator(is that a word?) suggests to give them as Christmas happies. Or for your own purposes like the ever popular "I'm sorry I'm always behind on paperwork, please don't fire me" gift.

So go out and bake to your hearts content.

click on the picture for the link to the recipe


*recipe and photo by The Pioneer Woman - I absolutely love her! If you are not familiar please check her out. Check out her blog I mean!

Roadtrip randomness

So Jeremy and I have been on many many a roadtrip in our almost 5 years together. I thought it was only fair to share the joy and sorrow of roadtrippin' with the Beavers. Enjoy!

snap.snap.Is this thing on?



Yes, yes it is.




There that's better.





Hey! WATCH THE ROAD for crying out loud!!

And who took this picture? ....

No really who took this?



I like to take pictures of Jeremy




Jeremy likes having his picture taken! I speak 100% truth here people. There are no lies or falsities on this blog. Nope. None.



Jeremy also likes to sing.




Told ya.


Sometimes I ride in the back seat. You know, when I make Jeremy chauffeur me around. Or when there are other people on our trip with us. Then I get to annoy, I mean entertain them.

Here take my picture.

Pure entertainment.




Ooops.

Did you just toot? Don't worry I won't tell a soul.


Gas happens. I get it. Believe me, I understand.



Have I ever told you that my mom has a gag reflex? Like... an embarrassing in public, yet hysterically funny while at home gag reflex. Its intense, and when given the chance I'll do my best to imitate it, but its nothing like the real thing. So sometimes I like to take pictures that she'll find on our camera. You know pass it over, show her some harmless pictures of the dog and say "just keep pressing the button on the left."
Then she get this







Look I can hardly contain my excitement, its just seeping out.

Its a kiwi flavored starburst. Who do you think I am?




Back to the trip. If you were a fly smashed against our windshield, this is what you might hear... if a dead fly could hear.

Not even on the interstate yet...

me: "Well lets take a happy smiley picture while we've still got it in us."
Jeremy: "YES! This is my favorite!!!" (okay maybe I made that part up.)



me: "What the ?%^&#! I don't have a chin in that picture. Waaahhh! Waaahhh! I want a chin." Me thinking now- Maybe I'll take this oppotunity to practice my picture taking abilities that create/remove extra chins for people. I can't be the only one with this problem.
Jeremy singing again: "Someday I'm gonna be famous. Do I have talent well no. These days you don’t really need it. Thanks to reality shows. Can't wait to date a supermodel. Can’t wait to sue my dad.Can't wait to wreck a Ferrari. On my way to Rehab."

Me:
Take One


Creepy.

Take two



Me still thinking: hand-under-the-chin-so-as-to-manually-seperate-your-face-into-two-parts isn't really working. Well maybe there is a button on some photoeditor that does this for me. Probably not Picasa. If I buy Photoshop it better have a damn "fix my face" button. And who knew I had so many freckles? Thanks for all those kisses while asleep Angels! I know you came down from heaven and all but I think you went a little overboard. I'm filing a complaint.

Jeremy still singing: "These days there’s dudes getting facials. Manicured waxed and botoxed. But with deep spray on tans and creamy lotioney hands,you can’t grip a tackle box. With all of these men lining up to get neutered,it’s hip now to be feminized. I don’t highlight my hair, I’ve still got a pair. Yeah, honey I’m still a guy"

Me:"Hey baby. Can we do that happy, smiley picture again. You weren't really smiling in the first one."

Jeremy:"Why, I'd love to."




Jeremy:"So, show me. What did it look like?"
Me:"Oh. My. Gosh. Its a perfect profile of my chin that goes on forever.UGH!"
Jeremy:"Your being silly. Let me see."




Jeremy:"What is up with my chins? One is plenty but there's enough there to feed a small country. Let's try again."

I offer no suggestions because, lets face it, I have none.




Jeremy:"Okay no more of those."





Me:"Baby, you're funny."
Jeremy:"Seriously stop, or I'll wreck this car."
Me: "Okay, okay. Don't get your boxer briefs in a wad. Geez." I'll just entertain myself. I can do that. Thankyouverymuch!




and in case you were wondering what my uvula looks like I offer the following

I don't know what is considered normal size wise for these things but I've always thought mine was GINORMOUS



Um, yeah. Maybe self portraits aren't my strong suit. Maybe I should try artsy photos.







Hey where have I seen those before...



oh yeah, here.







There that's better. I actually kinda like that last one.







On the rare occasion that I have to take my ring off I am left with this. I love it, it's like an invisible ring.


It's permanent.

Kinda like this.

Did You Know?

Beavers mate together for life



I Did.

The Most Interesting Thing I've Done This Year... So Far

Jeremy and I went to play paintball somewhere in the boonies (aka Brandon). The following is a record of that experience.
On our way there Jeremy shows me his gameface.

 

We're talking as we normally do in the car only this time I'm entertaining myself with the camera while we talk. It went a little something like this.

me: "Baby I'm kinda scared it will hurt when the paintball hits me."
Jeremy: "Don't be scared baby just look at'em like this and the will be too scared to even shoot at you."



me: "Oh. okay. But when you get hit what does YOUR face look like."
Jeremy:


Me: "Hey babe I'm gonna take my ring off cause I don't want to get paint on it."
Jeremy:"Your not going to get hit, but if you'll feel better.
Me:"I will thankyouverymuch."



Jeremy:"We're here."
Me:"Hip Hip Hooray!Hip Hip Hooray!"
Okay maybe not really.

There are no pictures nor words for what followed. Although I will give words a try. But rest assured it went something like this.
Jeremy and I met some friends,who I will affectionately refer to as Caty, Ryan and Christian, paid our money and grabbed our gear. Caty and I had never played. Jeremy and I were running late (insert gasp here) so there is no time to dally. Or to get nervous. Or proper instructions. We begin walking toward the battlefield and I begin asking questions:
"Is the saftey on now, or now?"
"Why do I have to keep this thingy over my barrel?"
"Does it matter if my mask is fogging up and I can't see?"
(Insert silence)
I am not concerned though The boys are going to show us the ropes, protect us, lead us, guide us. Stay by us through thick and thin.

Boys? Boys? Why are you so far away? Stop walking so fast, this gun is heavy.

I overhear some strategy chatter and observe some serious looking equipment adorning some matching camoflouge-decked out 12 year olds and, is that, a Dad? Someone informs us that if we were to get shot then we have to hold our gun in both hands over our head and yell "Hit. Hit. Hit." Also there is something about when someone gets within point blank range of you they should ask you to surrender. If this happens we're supposed to say. "Suck it." Just kidding we're intructed to say "I surrender" unless we want to get shot.

I'm getting slightly nervous. The boys don't seem to be concerned with my plight here. I ask my questions louder and add some more.
"Is the safety on now, or now?"
"Why do I have to keep this thingy over my barrel?"
"Does it matter if my mask is fogging up and I can't see?"
"What is suppressive fire?"
"Am I going to get shot?"
"Where do I go when it starts?"

I get an answer on that last one. One of the guys I know says "Just follow me."
Feeeewwww!That was a close one. I was about to get worried.

The game begins and everyone sprints into action taking their places, running for cover into their optimal positions. Everyone except me and Caty. We're just standing there with questions:

Where did everyone go?
Who are we supposed to be following?
Is my saftey off?
Is that noise I hear paintballs being fired?
We quickly got a response to that last question, though not they way we would have hoped.
Skip this part if you have or would like to maintain your virgin ears.

SHIT. FUCK. WHAT THE HELL. OH MY GOSH! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME YOU BASTARDS! I DON'T WANT TO GET SHOT!
Caty and I start running to the nearest thing that looks remotely like shelter. Turns out it was the referees golf cart and not an actual shelter. We are informed to keep going. "The battlefield is that way." Thanks alot tubby neon wearing ref dude. You're just like everyone else. Don't you see, there are armed adolecents trying to KILL us. Really KILL us. With paint and all!
We keep running. This time we find some sort of particle board propped up against a tree. It will have to do. We squat down and begin to look around...
wooosh.whizzz. splat. bam. bam.
I think at this point we are both in shock and trying to collect our thoughts with the hope that we can formulate some sort of plan that will allow us not to get shot. Let's face it. That would hurt. And I don't know about you, but that day in the bunker, me and Caty were all for not getting shot by some stupid mean 12 y/o and his high tech nitrous so-I can-shoot-more-bullets-faster-and harder gun. We bravely look around with our guns pointed somewhere near the ground.
There is some talk of our quads burning and how we gravely underestimated the physicality of this activity.
Miracle of all miracles I see Jeremy hunkered down in a shelter to our right about 20yards away.
"BABY WE'RE OVER HERE!"
That'll do it. He just didn't know where we were. I bet he was looking for us.
"I'm kinda busy babe. You're alright."
Well If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, Mohammed must go to the mountain.
"Caty, when I say go, you run, you go as fast as you can to Jeremy."
Caty:"Okay!!"
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Caty runs faster than I could have imagined anyone running in this circumstance under these conditions. Maybe it was her karate pants that gave her the additional speed boost. Just as she is approaching Jeremy's shelter she does something amazing. She dives for it. Like she was gettin' paid to do it or something. All out belly flop... about 5 feet shy of the actual shelter.

If laughter was a crime, Jeremy and I would be serving life sentences for that incident alone. I'm laughing now just remembering it. It was magnificint to behold.

Soon after that Jeremy moved up for a better position, er something like that. Now Caty and I are clueless AND seperated. Read F'ed. I hear noise in her direction and look just as some too cool for school joker comes barreling around her shelter. He's got the gun pointed at her face and I hear him yell "Surrender. Do you surrender?"
What is happening. I want to scream but something comes over me. I remember that I possess opposable thumbs. You forget these things under pressure. Trust me. This means I can shoot my gun. YAY!
Caty begins yelling. "Surrender I surrender" and running off. Towards me.
"MOVE CATY! OUT OF THE WAY. I'M GONNA SHOOT THAT GUY."
Where did he go now. Darn it. He was just right there. I turn to look to my left but before my head can make the full rotation I see that same doofus above me, leaning over my particle board, pointing the same damn gun asking the same stupid question. "DO YOU SURRENDER" Because I value my life and don't wish to have paint between my eyes I say "Surrender, I surrender, don't shoot please don't shoot! aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"
I throw my gun over my head gripping it with both hands trying desperately to remember where the "rebirthing zone" is and why on earth I am here in these woods in the first place. While I'm doing this I also pray that I don't get hit by any strays. I'm am standing straight up for goodness sakes. There probably isn't a bigger target.
I meet up with Caty in the "rebirthing zone" where we seriously contemplate not rebirthing but instead staying in the warm safe womb that is the hay field, until this stupid game is over. Well the clock saves us from having to look like wussy's and the rainbow bright rolly polly ref sounds the horn. GAME OVER.

Everyone filters out of the woods and begins their debriefing. "Man. I almost had you. Were you the one behind that log? Gosh that was a good position." I kid you not, these are direct quotes.
We all begin walking back to home base or whatever to get more ammo. Yeah cause I need it bad. I would be tempted to spill some out, so I'll look like I shot my gun at least a few times, but I paid for it so I don't want to be wasteful.

Rounds 2 and 3 are better. The boys feel sufficently bad for abandoning us, as they should. They instead focus on incorporating us into the strategery. There is a glorious moment for me in the second round where I go kamakazie style after the flag. Apparently I'm way better at offense. I of course get shot. A bunch. Cuss alot. A LOT! But it served as a distraction because Ryan was able to actually capture the flag before I could make it back to the rebirthing zone.
This move earned me mad props by everyone who saw. I felt like Xena the Warrior Princess.



Overall the day was memorable but I don't know if a reapeat will be necessary. It does the body good to feel such an adrenaline rush during those games but when its gone, well its gone. And I'm not a fan of feeling that sore. And I do feel horribly guilty for saying so many cuss words around so many children. I shouldn't even have a tongue anymore after that day.


The Dynamic Duo

And to prove that it really does leave a mark...

WHAT? June already!

So its been slightly awhile since the last post. At first I think there is no real reason why other than time just totally flies by. Though, truth be told, during this time I have had a dramatic decrease in my access to the Internet. A life long procrastinator, I look for anything else to do other than what needs to be done. This has been where the blog comes in in part, because it is SO much fun, way more fun than whatever I "should" be doing. So for the sake of my job I had them disable my access to the Internet in my office. EGAD! I know- how utterly horrific! It got bad, folks, real real bad.
But this lead to an unexpected change. When my access decreased and I had to turn elsewhere for entertainment/firefighting, when I did have the opportunity to surf, or blog, or facebook, it felt...different. I can't explain it. Its just like its not the same anymore. Part of me feels more private, I think about things to blog and then like a little kid who has a thought of sharing a toy, instantly snap my hands back and scream "No, MY TOY!!!" or in this situation, "No my life, MY thoughts!" This surprises me the most. I have lived and continue to live a pretty "open book" kind of life- even to my husbands chagrin. So why now would I feel this way. Am I...changing? (insert every eerrrr?, huh?, what?, really?) Me of all people.It continues to spill over. This year for our anniversary I CHOSE a night at home with Jeremy cooking vs. out to eat all dolled up at a nice restaurant. Again on a recent trip out of town with the opportunity to go out to a bar and enjoy a night out I really contemplated a bottle of wine and a night in. My sweet, introvert husband pushed for (and won I might add) the night out.
So I'm not sure what came first, the internet decrease or the chosen isolation and privacy but either way both remain.
Please don't think that this is a "good-bye blog" post. Its more just a way to explain the absence in the only way I know how- honesty. I'm just in a cocoon for now and I know shortly I will emerge, with lots to say and share but for now know that things are good.
Until then.